My Heart

I watched the movie "Sweet Home Alabama" the other day and understood Reese Witherspoon's character's dilema.  "I gave away my heart a long time ago and never really got it back."

I wonder what would have happened if she married Andrew and truly loved him but still loved Jake with the same passion but was totally conflicted with her feelings.

I remember

I remember what it was like to love you with all my heart,


I remember what it was like to curl up in your arms, energy spent, sweat mingling in all crevices,

I remember what it was like to kiss your bearded face and have the kisses returned in passion,

I remember what it was like to have your tender caresses stroke my body with care and affection

I remember how immature I was

I remember how timid at life I was

I remember how the feelings I had for you terrified me



I remember how it felt to walk away from you

I remember how many months I spent crying and missing your friendship

I remember how many months I spent not wanting to live

I remember with pain the writhing and agony of life leaving me

I remember wanting to be in your arms making the pain go away

I remember wanting to die

I remember my heart shutting down from all feelings

I remember ceasing to want to be



I remember letting go from want

I remember ceasing to care

I remember not wanting to love anymore

I remember not being worthy



I remember the day I met my husband

I remember wanting you to meet him

I remember the day my husband told me he loved me

I remember wanting to tell you

I remember the day my husband asked me to marry him

I remember wishing it was you

I remember shopping for my wedding dress

I remember wishing you were there to help

I remember walking down the aisle

I remember wishing I was walking towards you

I remember my honeymoon

I remember the terror

I remember being grateful

I remember my husband's love

I remember my husband's protective stance



I remember saying "I love you" to my husband and finally meaning it

I remember my heart starting to feel again

I remember trusting again

I remember letting feelings back in

I remember letting go of wishing you were part of my life

I remember letting go of the grief

I remember starting to live again



Then I died

Then I woke in your childhood home

I woke with a guide

I woke with our son

I woke remembering the pain of the loss of your friendship

I woke remembering the love

I woke to a statement

I woke to a need

I woke to a task

I woke to laughter

I woke to being told to find you

I woke to the insistence of rekindling our friendship

I woke to the need of forgiveness

I woke to being scared.



I came to with my family scared that they almost lost me

I came to realize it needed to be done

I came to the necessity

I came to learn the hardest thing was saying "hello"

I came to learn you missed me too

I came to learn you were sorry

I came to learn I never stopped loving you

I came to learn you loved me too

I came to learn you wished I was part of your life

I came to learn you wished we were still friends through the years

We talked six hours the first night

We talked for many nights

We talked about our lives

We talked about our past

We talked about our future

We talked about trying to be friends again

We talked about the struggle it will be

We talked that it would be worth it

We talked about the pain of being apart

We talked and talked and talked

We decided to take the risk

We took the risk

I mentioned we were going on vacation

I mentioned we were going to DC

You mentioned, I live there

My heart sunk

I wasn't ready to meet, I thought



Plans were made

We met

It took 14 years

Two lost souls reconnected

Timid hugs were exchanged

The hurt and pain left with a timid hug and scared kiss

Years drifted away and two souls smiled

A lingering hug made all the pain in my heart leave



You are back in my life

I couldn't be happier



I'm back in your life

You couldn't be happier



Lets move forward

No more missed opportunities

Opportunities to share



The love remains

The love is in renewed friendship



Learning curves remain

Time is on our side

Time heals all wounds



As you once said "we were running on your time, I always knew you'd come back to me, I just had to wait and be patient. I've missed you so much."



I've missed you too my dear.

My heart has finally healed.

Now to just get my family to understand
 
Maybe it isn't necessary because our souls understand and that is all that matters